Nov 05
Jul 17
Type: The Lagging Mystic
Characteristics: This is the guy you met at Burning Man or Reggae on the River who you run into occasionally at the coffee shop or natural food store. Most of your hippie friends have assured you he’s a kind soul, but while he’s exploring the nature of the cosmos with a mellow sister he just met, you’re sitting at home getting hassled by customers you said you’d hook up three hours ago. The Lagging Mystic will teach you that patience is a virtue.
Appearance: Most Mystics under forty have dreadlocks and Rasta-themed clothing, whereas mystics over forty wear sandals and tie-dye. Hemp clothing is mandatory for both.
Pros: Always has the best outdoor organic at reasonable prices.
Cons: Lacks a linear conception of time, does not believe in urgency and has no phone.
Warning: Requires an open mind, schedule, and the ability to listen to long, dragging accounts of his most recent spiritual awakening or communion with the most high.
Calls his weed: Medicine, Herb, Sacrament.
Catchphrase: “This strain of herb, brethren, has been blessed by shaman, Jerry, and the Most High.”
Type: Lord of the Schwag
Characteristics: This guy might be a Mexican gangster, an old hippie who complains that “pot is just too strong these days,” or anyone more concerned with profit than reputation. His weed is often vacuum-sealed and squeezed into rock-hard chunks from its journey out of British Columbia or Mexico. It may have been grown with chemicals and pesticides labeled “for use on ornamental plants only.” It also may have suffered frostbite, premature harvest, or a little too much time crated up in some mafia goon’s basement, giving it that aroma you normally associate with your grandma’s rest home.
Appearance: The Schwag Lord takes many forms.
Pros: If you have the right type of clientele, you can make a lot of money with this guy.
Cons: Your friends will make fun of you.
Warning: Smoking mold causes lung infections.
Calls his weed: Product, B-grade, Work.
Catchphrase: “Don’t be fooled by the look, taste and smell—it’s fuckin’ stony.”
Jul 15
A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.
Jul 15
Focus – good reliable first car
Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.
But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?
It’s slow as shit. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do shit. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some shitty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.
It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t fuck it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t fuck up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.
But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a faggot in a Ford Focus.
So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it.
Jul 15
Ok, not really spontaneous, but it looks that way. This is called a Flash Mob : a group of people summoned (as by e-mail or text message) to a designated location at a specified time to perform an indicated action before dispersing.
Jul 09
Jul 09
Jul 07
Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.
Arabian Goggles
A “seldom-seen” maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.
The Bait N’ Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Jul 03
The smart guys over at iphonejtag.blogspot.com have posted a jailbreak for the iPhone 3GS. What is a jailbreak you ask?
Jailbreaking is a process that allows iPhone and iPod Touch users to run unofficial code on their devices bypassing Apple’s official distribution mechanism, the App Store. What this does is to open up your iPhone’s file system so it can be accessed from your computer. Once jailbroken, iPhone users are able to download many applications previously unavailable through the App Store via unofficial installers such as Cydia and Icy, or add games available on torrent sites. In short, Jailbreaking allows you to add ringtones, change wallpaper, or run third-party applications for free.
Jailbreaking is distinct from unlocking, which is the process by which a mobile device is made compatible with telephone networks it was not specifically licensed to be used with. In other words, to use your iPhone on a GSM network other than AT&T, you would need to unlock it. In order to unlock it, you first have to jailbreak it.
Here’s how to get started:
Go to purplera1n.com. Download it. Make sure you have windows(but not 7), the latest iTunes installed, and an iPhone 3GS with 3.0 firmware. Connect your iPhone normally. Click “make it ra1n”. Wait. On bootup, run Freeze, the purplera1n installer app. Hopefully you’ll figure out what to do from there. This tool is beta. Make sure to have everything backed up before running. Also if Cydia doesn’t show up after running Freeze, reboot.
If you need help email purplera1n.support at gmail and attach your purplera1n.log file. Or call the purplera1n support hotline @ (650) 265-1210 Mac version is coming shortly.